Jesse & Jade #11
Four Geeks, Two Babes and a Comic Con

by Neil Gow

J&J's Apartment

" We don't have to go through with this, you know?"

" We do. It's our duty."

" Jennie! We're independent women. We don't have to do anything."

" We promised them."

" We did not. We said we would try to get them some memorabilia - we didn't promise we would. How were we to know that those things would be so hard to get our hands on? How were we to know they already had floor plans for Titan's Tower? This was all your idea and even then we only said we would consider it."

" Jesse... "

" What about Kiku? She's still missing?"

" Yeah, but we got that call from her and MZ and she said she was OK. I'm sure Dwayne and Rick will be able to looks after her when she gets back. We don't even have to worry about your Dr Wilson - he's being taken care of by his family. Today, for once, we are free to repay our friends, like we promised!"

" OK. You may have used the 'p' word, but I never used it. It may have passed you by but I'll be the one under threat there. As in me, with the superpower?"

" And my green skin is just going to be ignored, yeah?"

" You .. you.. you could be an Infinity Inc fangirl?"

" Like that's going to happen?"

" True. Whatever, I'm not going!"

" Look at their faces, Jesse. They really want us to go."

Jesse looks around towards the faces of their four neighbours. Gary,the tall thin one, looked extra stupid in his replica Robin domino mask and unwashed, signed Grendel t-shirt. Matty, the smelly one, was his normal unwashed self, but now his hair had taken a life of it's own as he had combed it into two horns and insisted on chewing an unlit cigar and calling everyone 'bub'. Dennis, the bald one, had insisted on bringing his wheelchair into the room and tried to talk to everyone through his 'awesome telepathy' and finally Billy Bob, the fat one was wearing a Batman t-shirt that may have fitted him when he was 12 but now just showed too much mid-riff for anyone's good.

And all of them were looking with schoolboy expectancy at Jesse.

" Oh for Christ's sake! I'll go OK! Just don't expect me to enjoy myself.."

The sound of multiple high fives echoed around the apartment.

The Geekmobile, on the Highway to Hell.

Gary turns around from the passenger seat and eagerly grins at the other four crushed into the back of the car. " OK, everyone, once more in the round and this time give it some. Ready? 1..2..3..."

Billy Bob belches and starts singing " Spider-man, Spider-man, does anything that a spider can!"

Jennie turns to a distant Jesse, whose gaze is fixed out of the window and away from the insanity of her travelling companions. " Jennie?"

" What?"

" C'mon, you can't stare out of the window for the entire journey?"

" Watch me..."

" It's not that bad?"

" NOT THAT BAD!" She spins her head and screams into Jennie's face. " I'm crammed into a wreck of a car made up to be a replica of the Batmobile with some of the most odious men I have ever met, with only a limitless supply of.." she scoops a wrapper off her lap, " 'Catwoman Cheese Puffs'"

" They're purrrr-fect" mimics Gary as Jesse glowers at him and he shrinks down into his seat.

" As I was saying, with only cheese puffs to eat, on the way to the west coast's biggest GEEK FEST! It is so embarrassing."

" It is not! I think it's going to be fun. Imagine all the people we're going to meet?"

" The number of gooses my butt is going to get." Jesse growls

" The chance to see the people that draw Dad's comic."

" The number of hotdogs I'll have to eat."

" Excuse me?" Dennis speaks from the driver's seat.

" What!? Can't you see I'm having an argument here?" Jesse retaliates.

" Yes. Actually it's pretty hard to miss. I just had one question for you, Ms Chambers. Have you ever been to a comic con before?"

" Of course not!"

" Then how can you make so many bigoted, ignorant and utterly stupid assumptions about the people who are going to be there. It may not have escaped you, but everyone in this car - and that includes Matty - has a graduate degree. Memorabilia doesn't come cheap and we all have rather well paying jobs to finance our hobby. I myself freelance for a number of the worlds largest computer games companies, whilst Gary here pens a number of articles a month for the financial specialist press. So, I'll make a challenge to you, Ms Doubting Thomas. You go to the con and have a good look around. If you don't enjoy it, we'll never bother you again, but if you do you'll give us all an apology for calling us 'odious', OK?"

Jesse stares at the back of his head and opens and closes her mouth repeatedly. How dare he talk to her like that! She's a ..a..

" He's got a point Jesse."

" OK, OK! You win! I'll take your bet, Dennis, but it's going to have to be something special to impress me."

Dennis grins and digs his hand into the glove compartment " Excellent. And on that note, how about a game of Justice League Top Trumps. 1994 edition? The one's with Ice in them..." He waves the cards over his shoulder and Jennie buries her head in her hands.

At the Convention

Dennis pulls up the fake Bat-mobile and slips the ' Steal this and find out why they call us Avengers' carlock on the wheel and then the six passengers turn to face the wonderfully colourful facade of the Los Angeles Coliseum, converted for the weekend into the home of 'FREAKFEST XII - sponsored by comicsrus.com'. Giant screens show newsreel footage of the JLA and JSA whilst a massive automated picture of Batman punches out a rather battered Joker over and over again. The entrance to the conference centre is a mass of people in costumes and capes and other wild stuff, carrying piles of books and comics.

" Awesome dude."

" I'm energized!"

" This is just so cool.."

" God, I hope there are women...."

" This is like another world!"

" Jennie, this is like my living hell. I will never forgive you for this. Let's just get it over with, OK?" Jesse heads off towards the entrance and the others follow her. Dennis is even keeping good time in his wheelchair.

As she reaches the entrance, Jennie stops dead in her tracks. Her face goes white and her eyes open wide. Surely, surely Jennie would have mentioned this to the geeks? Let's face it, she mentioned it to everyone else! Jesse quickly turns and grabs her friends arm, dragging her to the side towards an action figure stall, through two arguing Klingons and away from the main notice board. She didn't want Jennie to see.

Today's Special Guest Star - The JLA's very own Green Lantern!

Inside the Convention

" Jesse! What on Earth is the matter with you? You're like a woman possessed!" Jennie stops her friend and holds her by the arm. As she jerks her, Jesse drops some of the piles of rubbish that she has managed to buy in her vain attempt to keep her friend away from the man she ran away to the west coast to avoid! Cardboard Wonder Woman bracelets, Red Tornado masks and an entire tray of Martian Manhunter Munchies scatter across the floor. Jesse drops down and begins to gather them up, trying to hide her face from Jennie.

" Nothing's wrong. I'm just trying to get into the mood for this convention."

" No, Jesse, there's something more than that. I'm not stupid, there's an entire section of his hall that you've been keeping me away from."

" Look..." Before Jesse can answer fully, a voice drills out from behind her.

" Oh girl you are just so lame!"

Jennie straightens up and turns around to come face to face with a young woman, about her age, dressed in a stunning replica of a Xena outfit that leaves nothing to the imagination - which is a shame considering the love affair the woman had obviously had with Oreos over her short, yet gluttonous lifespan. " Pardon me? Are you talking to me?"

" I certainly am! You should be ashamed of yourself! Trying to get into his pants be pretending to be that ... slut! How heartless can you get?"

" I .. I really don't know what you're talking about?" By now a crowd was gathering as the furious Xena-woman carries on her tirade against Jennie.

" Yeah, sure. You come here, dressed up like that, knowing that Green Lantern is going to be here. You probably think he's going to like, come on to you, like as if you really were Jade? Why the hell would he want to do that? Everyone knows that Jade was having an affair with Nightwing and that's why she left Green Lantern. It's just a good job Troia was on hand to cheer him up!"

From the floor, Jesse looks up. " You were having an affair with Dick??" Jennie kicks her - sometimes Jesse can be so dim!

" Look, there seems to be some mistake. I'm not pretending to be Jade because I am .... what did you say? Kyle .. I mean Green Lantern is here!!!" Jennie gesticulates in the woman's direction, managing to produce a curled lip and sneer.

" Oh Jesus! You even got the power pulse on the wrong hand. How lame..."

Jennie is face-to-face with the woman now, both of them seething at each other. " I am Jade!"

" Yeah, and I'm the Star Spangled freakin' Kid! Pull the other one, green girl!"

Before Jennie can react, a familiar voice silences the crowd. " Excuse me, is there anything I can do here?"

Tall, dark, rugged and dressed in the unmissable costume of the man who controls the most powerful weapon in the Universe, Kyle Raynor - the Green Lantern, steps fowards and then stops, mouth open.

" Kyle!"

" Jennie!?"

" You ... " The slap of her hand against his face echoes around the room and Jennie buries her head in her hands.

" Oh god, this is going to be messy..."

Outside and Above the Convention

" Well... this is unexpected?"

" You can say that again Kyle! Was it really necessary to whisk us off up here in this tacky globe? Afraid I might embarrass you in front of your adoring public?"

Green Lantern rubs the back of his hand against his still stinging cheek and manages a slight grin. " No, I just wanted to get you out before you kicked my butt. I've been wondering where you went Jennie? You never said anything, apart from that note..."

" Oh, you've looked so damned hard haven't you Kyle? It's not like you couldn't have used your power ring to find me, or even watched the news once or twice - I haven't been exactly what you would call low profile."

" Yeah, I saw the film. A lot better than the critics gave it credit for. Look, Jennie, I'm really sorry about not coming out to see you, but what with the JLA stuff and the mood I thought you were in - you understand, don't you?"

" Oh of course I understand. You were just too busy saving the world to actually try to salvage our relationship - all day, everyday, for the last six months! Too busy with HER more like?"

" This is about Donna isn't it?"

" Yes ... it's about Donna..."

" Jennie, we're just friends. Old friends, old friends that used to be an item, but still just a friend."

" Of course she is Kyle, of course she is. You just keep saying that, you just keep telling yourself that, but don't try to convince me with your lies. I know exactly how you feel about her Kyle, and it's her first and me a way distant second!"

Something changes behind the mask on Kyle's face. " OK Jennie, if that's what you want to hear, then yes I do, I love Donna, I spend my every day thinking about her, she's more attractive, more intelligent and way more sexy than you will ever be. Is that you want to hear? Well that's OK, because to be honest Jennie, you might think you have some sort of right to rag on me for not just turning around to Superman and the guys and saying " Hey, this Khundian invasion fleet? Handle it without me. My ex- has developed a severe case of peer heroine accelerated paranoia and I have to fly out west and wipe her tears. Well guess what Jennie? It was you that freaked out on us, you that ran with your tail between your legs to California and you that never rang me, never asked for an explanation, nothing! I'm not the only one at fault here, Jennie Lynn Hayden, and don't ever forget that, OK?"

The emerald sphere is silent for a tense moment, and then, with a slight shake in her voice, Jennie says " Kyle, I want you to take me back down to the convention and then stay away from me, forever."

" I..."

" Take me down Kyle, or as God is my witness, power ring or not, I'll cripple you!"

The globe floats slowly back down to the ground.

Meanwhile

Jesse is battling desperately to get out of the convention, but the clock has struck midday and that is the worst time - 'the part-timer threshold" is what Matty had called it.

" It's that time when all of the people who don't dress up, don't come for the panels or the signings and have no interest in getting the really cool stuff turn up. The kids ( and their goddam parents), the tourists, the wannabees and the ... collectors. Those little dweebs with their notebooks and their terminally aching knees from scrabbling on the floor all afternoon flicking through long boxes. Turn up early, you lightweights and save your joints!"

" Ms Quick?"

" Pardon?"

" You're Jesse Quick, right?"

" Uhmm, yeah sure I am."

" Ohmygod!, ohmygod!, ohmygod! Could I .. like have your autograph? Please?" The young woman couldn't be more than 16, and her friends look a little younger.

" Sure..yeah. Who should I sign it to?"

" Lynda. This is like, just like so amazing! I .. we.. we're all big fans of yours."

" Fans? Of mine?"

" Yeah, sure! You're like a role model to some of us kids - the way you use your superpowers, but you still manage to be a successful business woman and an academic. That's awesome."

" Well, I haven't worked at the University for years and I have people to run Quickstart for me now."

" But you're still in control. It's so .. inspiring!"

" Really?"

" Yeah really...... Ms Quick?"

" Please, call me Jesse?"

" Cool. OK...Jesse ... would you like to like, come around the convention with us? There's something we think you might like?"

Backstage at the Convention

As the general hub-bub of the convention dies off in the background, Gary gingerly opens the door marked 'No Entry' and slips through, entering a short corridor, lit only by a flickering lightbulb swinging from a bare cable.

He stands in the corridor and straightens his fresh, new Superman t-shirt and rubs the heel of his hand over his convention ID badge. He straightens his glasses and runs his hand through his hair one last time. Taking a deep breath he presses forward and knocks on the door at the end of the corridor. Seconds pass and there is no reply until finally a rather weak voice answers.

" Pathword?"

" Pardon?"

"Pathword! What's today's pathword?"

" Oh it's you Jez. Still no better with the lisp then? The password is Kane,"

" As in?"

" What do you mean, 'as in?'"

" You could be a ..."

" Don't even say it! The last time someone accused one of us of being a wrestling fan it was nerf-guns at dawn - not a pretty sight! Kane as in Bob, of course, or Grist if you're being post-modern today."

" That'll do." The door swings open and Gary enters a small room, lit by the light from a reading lamp and the glare from a tiny 14" TV. In the centre of the room is a round table, and sitting at the table are what could only be described as the creme de la creme of the Hero Spotting world. Gary had made it to Hero Spotter Central. Each of the men ( except one) around the table raises a hand in salute without taking their eyes from the TV - "Dude.."

" Hi guys ... glad to have you here in LA."

" It's alright, not a patch on Capecon in Florida of course, or Spandexhibition in Madrid, but it'll have to do. Poor turnout on the hero front as well Gary. Only one Green Lantern? Nothing special there. At Kryptokon XII in Metropolis - y'know, the one where we unveiled the Batarang? We had Brother Power, Mr Miracle and a panel with Captain Boomerang and The Calculator - courtesy of the Belle Reve Community Program. I assume you know Mandy? Sorry, she would be Ms. Waller to you, wouldn't she?"

Gary just glares at Scotty. He is the chair of the International Hero Spotters Society ( ever since the day he lucked across a lost Batarang!) and doubles it up with his role as one of the most sarcastic, arrogant, two-faced, putrid little dweebs on the planet. Of all the things in his life that he regrets - even more than not being chosen by the aliens for those experiments like Snapper Carr ( a closet hero spotter if ever there was one...) - is that when Dennis and Scotty got into that scrap in '97 about the denier of Black Canary's stockings, he stopped Dennis from pounding his skull to dust! Bless him, Dennis appears to be the epitome of calm intelligence but he is the youngest of fourteen boys and he could teach most GIs something about hand to hand combat, especially when vexed!

" Don't worry Scotty, I'm sure you'll find something you like if you look hard enough. What's on the box?"

Another of the spotters raises his head. " It's a home movie that someone sent us applying for membership of the Inner Circle. Spotter's eye view of the JLA is action. Good stuff - if it's a fake, we can't tell."

Scotty pipes up again. " So when are you going to apply Gary? Or are you going to rely on the home-town privileges rule that got you this far all of your life?"

" Like you never got to chinwag with the Inner Circle in Metropolis before your lucky break, eh?"

" There was no luck involved! Decades of dedicated hunting to find that Batarang!"

" Yeah Gary, we've been hearing some very interesting rumours about you and ... three superheroines?"

" Uhhmmm..." Gary is in a fix. He had sort of made a promise to himself not to exploit the fact that the girls lived in his block too much - they had gone from being a point of fixation to actually being quite good friends. If he spilled the beans, we would be shoe-in for the Inner Circle, but if Jesse or Jennie found out, they'd never talk to him again.

" Just what I thought. All a load of usenet balony! Guys, we shouldn't have believed that someone as inconsequential as Geeky Gary would ever have the right stuff to be Inner Circle. Oh, and by the way guys, it's a fake. The Flash always punches left-right-left-left-right and that guy just did four rights." Scotty wasn't even looking at Gary anymore, instead grinning smugly at his companions in Hero Spottings highest order.

Gary drops his head and shuffles out of the door. One day...

The Freakfest Jeopardy Contest Finals

Jesse slips into the back row, alongside her newfound friends. The room was packed, and focused on the two men at the front. The one on the right was pretty good looking for your average con-goer, but he lost points because of the authentic Luke Skywalker outfit. The guy on the left is a big man, a very, very big man - we are talking special trousers sort of big. He looks the more confident of the two - probably because the referee had just announced the subject. "Second Generation Metahumans."

" We knew you would think this is cool!" Lynda shuffles in her seat and the contest starts. Jesse sits and listens intently. These guys really know their stuff. In fact, from the whispered murmurings of the crowd, they all know their stuff. She never realised the amount of knowledge that was required to pass as 'cool' in places like these. Knowing a bit about heroes wasn't enough, you had to know a lot about heroes. Something, somewhere deep inside Jesse really wanted to be on that stage.

" I am the second person to bear this title and my relative has had four incarnations protecting Opal City."

" Who is The Phantom Lady?"

" Correct. OK, Jim, this is the last question and you need to get it right to win. Ready?" The big guy nodded his head with a positively evil grin on his face. " OK. I am a set of numbers and symbols, used by Jesse Quick to bring about her superspeed." Beside jesse, Lynda nearly bounced off the seat.

" What is 8X2(9YZ)4A?"

" Correct!"

" I beg to differ!" Jesse springs to her feet and the entire room turns to look at her. It's not a '8', it's a '3' at the beginning.

The big guy shakes his head, his jowls wobbling slightly. " Sorry ma'am, but you're wrong.

" Really? 3X2(9YZ)4A!" Jesse is surrounded by the almost invisible crackling of the speed force and the room is filled with the collective sound of a hundred jaws dropping!

Meanwhile...

" You OK?" Dennis sits down next to a crest-fallen Jennie as he rubs the tears from her eyes.

" Yeah..yeah, I'm fine. I just didn't realise how much I still... oh I'm sorry, I shouldn't be telling you this."

Dennis reaches out a hand and puts it on top of Jennie's. She flinches and he sighs. "It's OK, don't worry, I understand. I remember when I was younger - I'm a lot older than the other guys - I went off to summer camp...it was 1979, a beautiful summer it was too. Anyway, I went off to summer camp and I had a great time. I was 13 and the world was my oyster, because two days before I went away, I managed to complete my All Star Comics collection. That's the one's with the stories about your dad in? And more than that, #32 was signed by Mr Terrific! Worth a fortune they are, an absolute fortune. Guess what? When I was away, my mom decided to clear out my room and threw out some of the 'tattier' comics - including all of the All Stars. I was devastated. Utterly broken. I didn't speak to my mom for nearly three months. In my heart I don't think I've ever really forgiven her. Whatever, I've never been able to get a full set again - I don't think we have a full set between the four of us. You would think I would be really sad, having lost something so precious, but I'm not because I can still remember all of the stories and the way I felt and that's a good thing. A really good thing."

" Dennis, was that a comic-related way of telling me it's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all?"

" Actually, I was going to ask you whether your pop had any old copies spare - I figured he must have got a few from the company, right? - but if you want to read it your way, that's fine." He flashes her a knowing grin and then ducks out of the way of her jabbing finger.

" You guys! You're obsessed, do y'know that?"

" It sort of goes with the territory. Shall we go and see if we can find the others? Matty was in the look-a-like competition and I left Billy Bob is a panel - " How to appreciate Golden Age influences without knowing a thing about it." - he's such a sucker for those joke sessions."

" What about Jesse?"

" I'm not sure, last time I looked she was signing some kids autograph book."

A Very Busy Corner of the Convention

" And then the Ultra Humanite came out of the building and I can tell you, that is some scary villain!" Jesse sits in the middle of a knot of fans, recounting her adventures with the Justice Society. A few of the convention organisers stand in the background, assessing a) where the hell she came from, b) if they needed crowd control and c) was she wearing a bra?

" Jesse? C'mon, we're going to hit the road!" Jennie shouts across the mob, who turn and take a collective breath. One of the men feints whilst another magically produces a copy of the Jade issue of Playboy and a pen. ( "I carry it everywhere, just in case - could you sign it?")

" Ah guys! I'm having such a good time?"

Dennis looks at her and raises an eyebrow. Jesse blushes.

" Hi guys. Matty came third. They loved his hair. Billy Bob says he'll be a few minutes, but he's only got another 23 issues to get signed." Gary saunters up to Jennie and the frantically signing Jesse.

" What's wrong Gary, you look kinda down? Have you been ... y'know?" Dennis looks a little nervous.

" Yeah, but Scotty just balled me out again, as per usual."

" Is there anything we can help with Gary? Jennie seems to be enjoying herself and I'm pretty much ready to punch the next man that looks at me?" Jennie looks around, as if she is looking for someone.

" Listen you guys, it's nothing. Just some jerk who's been giving me a hard time."

" For how long?" Jennie looks concerned now.

" Since kindergarten. He's the chief kahuna when it comes to Hero Spotting. He keeps black balling my membership in our Inner Circle. Says I haven't got what it takes, haven't got the credentials."

" What like? What do you need?" Jesse touches his shoulder. " Shouldn't your little adventures with us be enough."

" I didn't want to talk about you and Jennie. You're my friends, not pieces of memorabilia. I couldn't do that."

Jesse looks at Jennie. Jennie looks at Jesse. They both break out in the wickedest grins " Oh, but we could! Lead the way Gary..lead the way!"

Backstage at the Convention

" Gary, you sorry excuse for a card collector, what are you doing here again? Jez has just gone out for the Bud Lite and you are not getting one single drop my friend, not one single drop." Scotty looks on with a sanctimonious smile.

Gary stands there, unsure of what to say. Decades of envy and humiliation build up inside him. He wants to lash out and smack Scotty between the eyes, but he knows that won't do any good - and anyway, this is going to be much sweeter.

Jennie enters the room first and drapes her arms around Gary. One of the other Inner Circle falls off his seat. "Oh Gary.. have you done with these people, we need to get home." Her voice is like honey running over silk.

Jesse enters next and stands on his other side. " Yeah Gary, this is boring - I'm sure we have more interesting things we can do back at the flat."

Scotty's mouth falls open and the lollipop he is sucking drops onto the carpet. " You? You? You? And them?"

" Oh yeah Scotty, Gary and us, so how does that match up to your itty, bitty abandoned batarang then?" Jennie rings a green fingernail slowly down Scotty's shirt, catching each button on purpose.

" Well, I .. I mean, it's not that small.."

" Really?" Jesse licks her lips ", and what about the batarang?"

Scotty blushes bright scarlet and runs from the room. Gary barely suppresses his laughter and turns to the remaining members of the Inner Circle. " Y'know, if I was half the man I should be I would tell you guys to stick your group and walk out of here...but I'm not. You know my address? I'll see you at the next con." He turns and walks from the room just as Jez returns with the crate of beer. He plucks three bottles from the crate and tosses two over his shoulder to Jesse and Jade. " And guys, get something a bit stronger for me, OK? Lite? Geez...."

For the first time in his life, Gary knew that he was cool!

The Geekmobile, driving back up the Highway to Hell.

" And then he just flicked the bottles through the air. Gary, that was some throw!" Jesse bangs her hand on the back of the seat, howling with laughter.

" So, I assume we are in for some sort of apology? Some sort of grovelling?" Dennis speaks without looking away from the road.

Jesse stops laughing and reaches out, putting her arms around Matty and Billy Bob. " OK, guys, I must admit, I've had the best day today and I was totally wrong about you and your friends. In your own special way, you're kind of cool. I'm sorry, I really am and I promise to never call you 'odious' again - well, at least unless Billy Bob decides never to change that shirt!"

The car rocks with laughter but Jennie just stares out of the window, looking for a glimmer of green in the sky, but it isn't there. She glances down at her dormant birthmark and realises that now, two things in her life have gone forever.

Next Issue: Jesse and Jade #12: The first anniversary issue of Jesse and Jade! The girls have come through a lot : moving out west, the Monocole, the Rival, exploding dates, comic cons and even reviews by the guys and gals at Sophism! <joke!> In this bigger than normal issue, we'll see where Kiku has been, learn more about Rick and well, lets just say if I don't get some letters about the last scene then no-one is reading it!