by Neil Gow  

What has gone before?!

Having been reunited with her Thunderbolt at a party, Kiku has been given the job of looking after MZ, a younger t-bolt. Her new found popularity has got her a place on the cheerleading squad and she has been left alone for the weekend with Dwayne. Meanwhile, Courtney Whitmore - aka the Star Spangled Kid, arrives in LA with the Blue Valley High team.

The Penthouse Apartment

" Dwayne! Dwayne! You've just got to see this!!" Kiku is rolling around on the sofa spilling popcorn everywhere, laughing long and loud. " Oh this is the funniest thing I've ever seen!"

On the huge TV at the centre of the room, a tanned presenter speaks alongside pictures of recent news events. "UCLA tennis star, Hannah Laszlo was saved from an attack by a metahuman calling himself Prodigy earlier today by local heroine, Flame Girl......"

" HAHAHAHAHA! Flame Girl?? Flame Girl?? How about 'Perm Lass'? Oh jeez that has to be the funniest! DWAYNE!!! C'mon man, you're going to miss it."

" Miss what?" Dwayne, the retired hero formerly known as Geist pops his head around the door.

" HAHAHAHAHA! Flame Girl?? Flame Girl?? How about 'Perm Lass'? Oh jeez that has to be the funniest! DWAYNE!!! C'mon man, you're going to miss it."

"Miss what?" Dwayne, the retired hero formerly known as Geist pops his head around the door."

" Oh just the latest lame-o cheerleader to set herself up as a superhero in LA. We're talking Ms Silly Costume Champion 2000 here. Flame Girl…I ask you?"

"Aren't you a cheerleader now?" Geist rubs his chin in mock contemplation.

Kiku waves her finger at him."Aha! But I'm not trying to be a superhero and jumping around on a bit of rope throwing comedy boomerangs! Oh God, I wonder if the guys downstairs saw that? They'll be wetting themselves."

" I think I heard them rushing out into the Dweeb-mobile screaming something about a new benchmark in superheroines?"

" I'm sure that'll make Jesse and Jennie pleased, to be upstaged by 'Flame Girl'. Have you heard anything from them?"

"Nah…they'll just be keeping their heads down and getting on with their trip."

"Good. Things have got to be perfect for tonight. Have you…?"

" Yes, yes and yes. You wouldn't know that I live down there. It is your own little play-pen. Just remember, you owe me one, OK?"

Kiku smiles. "Thanks, and if you could like disappear when everyone arrives?"

"Disappear? That's a joke right…..?"

The Blue Valley Vultures Team Bus

" …so I want everyone on the team to be on their best behaviour. It's a big game and if we win this we could go all the way to the finals. So I want you all focused and prepared." The voice of the Coach droned on in the background as Courtney took the chance to stare at the sights of Los Angeles. Now this was better! She got to see the country when she was running around with the JSA but she spent most of her time cooped up in Blue Valley (remember folks, Kid Flash ran through there once, so it must be important!). She didn't get a chance to see stores where she didn't know the name of the person behind the counter!

Her experiences on the cheerleading squad so far had garnered her trips to two rather natty little hick towns in Nebraska and one home game where she realised how truly embarrassing it could be to have your Mom taking flash photos of you when you're wearing a skirt that is nearer your waist than your knees! This was a totally different experience and one that she was going to enjoy.

Of course, she had brought her belt with her, just in case. One thing she had learned over the short period she had been doing the superhero game was that there was a definite hierarchy of places that trouble was going to kick off.

At the top of the pile was Gotham City, of course, although Alan and Batman sort of had that one covered. After that came Metropolis and New York and then, at number four, Los Angeles. The City of Angels. Hollywood! Absolutely critical in the 'villain-o-meter' scale. She didn't want to be caught in some major throw down and have only her wits and winning smile to fall back on. Of course, if Pat caught her, he would go ballistic, but you had to take the risks sometimes!

" Now girls, I know this may be your first time away to somewhere this cosmopolitan, but please don't forget that you are ladies representing our fine school." The rather dull tones of Mrs Jefferson, the chaperone, drifts aimlessly across the bus, towards the cheerleaders – as if they cared. Or indeed, as if she cared. She was on the reserve squad today and that meant that unless one of the Chosen Ones twisted their ankle or broke a nail, she would be able to wander around and check things out without being missed!

Excellent...

Deep in the LA suburbs

Deep in his basement, Edward E. Enfield stroked his pet iguana. The scaly animal rubbed itself against it's owners body and then slithered down to the ground and scuttled off across the dark room. Today had not been a good day for Edward. He had come down into his den to be at one with his reptiles.

" You see, my precious little lizards, you were going to be the centerpiece of my crowning glory - a science project to end all science projects. A study of reptile evolution and adaptability, there, in-front of their pitiful, ignorant faces. But it was not to be! Those fools at the school decided that they would cancel my class for a week to hold a damned pep rally for their darling football stars. Little did they know that the serum I developed to accelerate your growth would spoil if it was left for a week! My project...our project is ruined. I'll fail science, my GPA will drop and father will...best not think about what father will do. Well, I'll teach them! I'll teach them not to cross Edward E. Enfield!"

And with that the spotty teenager slugs back a vial of luminescent green liquid. He clutches his throat as he swallows and slams his head off the floor. When he raises it again, two membranes flicker across his eyes and the skin around his mouth is turning green!

Anaheim Heights High School

So, this is what they call ‘high school’? It is something that MZ had been looking forward to in the extreme. Kiku has filled him in on the broad ideals of the place – you come here during the day to learn, socialise and exercise – although not always in that order – and you are controlled and instructed by adults that have sacrificed the use of their given name. That seems straight-forward. What Kiku has failed to convey was the array of … the sheer number of …, the absolute cornucopia of …

“ MZ! Stop staring at my friends!” Kiku jabs her thunderbolt in the ribs as he fixates, goggle-eyed at the Senior members of the cheerleading squad. “Don’t they have women where you come from?”

“ Yes, they do, but they tend to be covered in veils and long dresses, rather than these rather revealing combinations of tight sweaters and skirts. A most intriguing costume?”

“Hi Kiku! Who’s your new friend?” Jasmin Scott was a rather leggy senior, destined by the fates to be on the lips of one of the wide receivers by the end of the evening. She turned heads so sharply, accident lawyers were considering a class action against her for whiplash! So why was she fluttering her substantial eyelashes at MZ?

“ His name is …Mizz and he’s my …cousin, from Bandhesia.”

“ Oooh exotic! Hey Mizz, are you coming to the game later on?” Oh God! Now she’s running her finger across his shoulder. Kiku fixed her eyes onto the back of the thunderbolt and tried to transmit some sort of warning signal. Abort! Abort! Do NOT destroy Kiku’s first shot at popularity!

“ I believe I shall, and then I will be able to dance with you maybe?” Kiku stares in amazement as MZ does some rather subtle ‘looking deep into her eye’ thing and Jasmin seems to collapse in a pile of giggles.

“ Oh Kiku! He’s gorgeous! Are all the boys like this back on your island?”

“ Uhhhmm, yeah. Sure. All of them. I’m spoiled for choice really.”

“ Oh man, like, could we go there this winter? I mean, Aspen is like, so 1997. Do they have snow on Bindeesia?”

“ That’s Bandhesia, Jasmin and it’s in the Pacific. Snow, we do not do!” Kiku is tiring of this bimbo-slaught, but obvious MZ wasn’t.

“ I could make it snow, if it would make you happy?”

Kiku decides at this point that discretion is really the better part of valour and accidentally stands on MZ’s toe. The thunderbolt leaps into the air and begins hopping around, cursing in a thankfully lost tongue. “ Ooops! Silly me. Well, I’ll be seeing you later on, right, and then to my party??” Kiku smiles at the Seniors as she drags MZ away.

“ What on Earth did you think you were doing? Eh? ‘Oh I’ll make it snow..’ – what was that?? How many times have I got to tell you! What's the first rule of the Thunderbolt Club?"

" I know, you never talk about the Thunderbolt Club"

" Exactly. If the teachers get a sniff that I’ve got a anthropomorphic personification of the fusion between ancient magic and fifth dimensional energy pretending to be my cousin, I’ll be kicked out of school and that just means nothing compared to the ear-thrashing I’ll get from Jesse! I said you could come here because you need to get used to be being with people, but PLEASE, try to be less adorable?”

“ Is it my fault that mortal women find me attractive?” MZ smiles back.

“ YES!!! You control your appearance! You could try dumbing it down a little? Not looking like the guy who was too handsome to get into N-Sync? A little more Xander, a little less Angel?”

MZ just stares at her blankly and Kiku closes her eyes and prays that she survives the day.

Later

" Hi Kiku! Wow, you look so .... different!" The rather awkward looking figure of Vince tags along behind Kiku as she hurries to get to the changing rooms for the final briefing. She had taken up the tradition of arriving in her cheerleaders outfit and secretly she was glad she was getting the desired result - although she had worked out that she could wear a garbage bag and Vince would still follow her around like a love-sick puppy.

" Hi Vince, sorry, can't stop to talk. Have to go. Bye!"

Vince watches as she disappears around the corner towards the girls locker room. Vince's head hangs and then he feels a 'presence' behind him. He turns slowly to find himself looking face-to-face into the eyes of Jessica Sanderson, mega-babe and lead cheerleader.

" I've seen you looking at Kiku, geek-boy, and she's not interested. She has new friends now. New, cool friends who think that fashion goes beyond a t-shirt with...just who is that?"

" Ambush Bug?"

" Yeah, whatever. A t-shirt with some bug on it. So why don't you just run off and go back to your 'dungeons and dragons' or whatever else you do in your geek-therapy class and leave her alone?" Before he can answer she walks straight passed him, banging her shoulder into his. " And watch where you're walking!"

The Anaheim Heights Sports Stadium

The bowl was a pretty impressive sight, filled to the brim with teenagers ( and more than a few adults) screaming for their team - the Anaheim Anteaters! The orange and purple of the Anteaters adorns the stadium and the perennial cry of 'Dig! Dig! Defence!' rings out.

Down by the pitch, Kiku is hitting what she believes athletes call 'the wall'. That's what she is choosing to call it because admitting to gut-wrenching terror in the face of the other cheerleaders would just be embarrassing! She hadn't realised how short this skirt really was, how tight this sweater had become and how embarrassingly inconsequential that fact was when she compared her figure to that of the other girls.

" OK Kiku. You know what you've got to do. As those inbreeds from the hills run out, we'll form a pyramid and when you're at the top, you jump off and do something super-cool, OK?" Jessica was looking at Kiku like a kid stares at Santa Claus - a mixture of awe and innocent greed.

" OK, OK, I'll see what I can do." And at that point, the marching band stopped and the announcer hollered out the names of the Blue Valley Vultures offensive line. The Anaheim girls became a flurry of long legs and pom-poms and then Kiku felt herself being tugged and pulled up a living pile of flesh. Nice.

When she got to the top she realised three things. First, she was very high up indeed and this was not a natural place to be. Second, if the guy down their holding the first-down marker was to glance up, he would have an beautiful view straight up her skirt and finally, third, MZ was standing opposite her with 'the look' on his face - the self-same look he gave her when she threatened to transform Jesse's car into a vegetable on Friday. He wouldn't...

" Sez Me!" Kiku gentle says her magic word and MZ just smiles and shakes his head. Not for a selfish purpose...Oh My God! Kiku feels the two cheerleaders below her flex their arms and propel her from the top of the pyramid with a flourish.

" S..e..z.....m..e...e...e...e...<thump>" She crashes to the ground, landing on the foot of Jessica, making her scream and stagger and as if my thunderbolt magic, bringing the entire pyramid down around her.

" KIKU!!!" The screams from the cheerleaders are drowned out by the laughter from the crowd and the groans from the players.

As the game gets underway, Edward E. Enfield swaggers into the stadium. His clothes are ripped now by his new body, seven feet of rippling muscle and still growing. He had sprouted a tail as well and his skin was scaly and wet. His senses were racing as his forked tongue licked the air for the scent of footballers. Prey.

Suddenly he has them and he feels the surge of adrenaline trigger another transformation. This time he is growing faster and faster, muscles bulging and shredding what was left of his clothes. He stomps towards the pitch now, scattering the shocked crowds, screaming in his wake. This is his time, the time of the reptiles, the time of REVENGE!!

His massive foot comes down on the pitch, trapping a player beneath it, his leg now a full fifteen feet tall and he bellows. " HE HE HE, FLAG ON THE PLAY. UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT!"

Everyone screams

Courtney slips beneath the bleachers and checks that she is alone. A few seconds later she has pulled off her clothes to reveal her red, white and blue uniform and the chunky crimson belt strapped around her waist. She pulls on her face mask and then powers up the Cosmic Belt in a flurry of multi-coloured sparks as she leaps out to confront the giant beast rising over the football stadium. She would be lying if she said she was totally focused on the battle ahead - she was more worried that with a fair proportion of the LA press here to cover the game, her butt would look a little too big in this spandex - Wonder Woman never had to worry about reluctant-to-leave puppy fat! Suddenly her face was lit up by a flash of emerald light as a sparkling figure shoots passed her.

" YEEEEHHHAAAAHHH! Kiku to the rescue!" Kiku screams her less than impressive battle-cry as she zooms passed the Star-Spangled Kid, riding on the back of MZ. She gets a few yards forward and then pulls up and looks around with a face like (to pardon the pun) thunder. "Who are you?"

Courtney glowers back. " More like, who are you?! What is this? Gifted amateurs try-out week? Why not get down off that fake thunderbolt and let the professionals get on with the job?"

" Fake?" MZ raised an arched eyebrow.

" Hey, Miss 'oh-so-original spandex' - this is my town, go and get your own! I've got enough trouble with 'Flame Girl' without you turning up all masked and mysterious."

" I'm not a fake.."

" Don't you recognise who I am? I'm the Star-Spangled Kid. Third generation superhero and member of the Justice Society of America? Y'know, as in the 'senior' superteam? So like I said.."

" JSA. Been there, done that. How is Uncle Jay by the way?" Kiku flashes Courtney a smug grin.

" Do you think I look like a fake? I've tried really hard with the t-bolt look..."

" Well my step dad's a bona fide golden age hero!" Courtney retorts.

" Mine too!"

" Seven Soldiers of Victory!"

" First new member of the Justice Society of America. Beat that newbie!" Kiku and Courtney are nose to nose now.

" Oh god, you're Kiku, Johnny's little girl aren't you? The one that had her thunderbolt taken by JJ Thunder? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

" Don't you start with that little ..."

" I mean how lame can you get? 'I keep my t-bolt in a pen.' " Courtney is laughing now, doubled up.

" At least his t-bolt is a 'real'one and not a fake."

" I know! I know! And all that cussing and huffing. He really thinks he's something...other than a t-bolt stealing wannabe!"

" Hey Kiku, shall we just get on with kicking monster butt or what?"

" Do you want the help of the sad and fake?"

" Enough with the self-pity, already! Lets do it!" The two teenagers 'high five' and then turn to face the fifty feet of slavering behemoth that has been patiently waiting for them to finish.

GULP!

The Star Spangled Kid runs and vaults over one of the fleeing players unleashing a barrage of multi-coloured stars at it's face. The giant lizard man staggers backwards and swipes a huge hand blindly, catching the Kid and sending her spinning through the air, crashing into a hot-dog stand.

Kiku urges MZ on and he circles the beasts head, dodging the flailing arms. " OK, MZ, give him 100% pure thunderbolt power!"

" I thought you'd never ask." Bereft of his assumed teenage form, MZ looks much more the proper thunderbolt as he pulls up in mid-air and blasts the lizard with emerald energy.

" ARGH! THAT SMARTS!"

Kiku cocks an ear. What sort of monster says 'that smarts'? " OK, MZ, can you do the wishes thing yet like YZ can?"

" Maybe, I'm not sure?"

" No time like the present! MZ, lets have a cage around that big green mess?"

MZ concentrates very hard and the air around the lizard begins to shimmer and glow and then the monster smashes a hand into his head and both him and Kiku spin backwards and they too land in the hot-dog stand.

" Angry yet?" Courtney staggers to her feet, pulling onions out of her hair.

" Oh yeah, really angry!"

" Livid"

" Good. I'll take one leg, you take the other and lets take that bad boy down!" The Star Spangled Kid fires off a concentrated stream of cosmic stars at the lizards left knee whilst MZ blasts the right knee. The Lizard stumbles and sways and then falls down.

" OK, MZ! Get big and smack it!"

" I LOVE this bit!" MZ takes a deep breath and grows and grows and grows until he is the same size as the lizard. He sizes up his target, smiles and says " OK, Frog Boy - Hop It!" A huge emerald fist smashes into the lizard and he sails high above the stadium and out into the bay, screaming a defiant " I'm a reptile, not an amphibian...."

" Wow!" Kiku and Courtney stand open-mouthed. " That bolt can punch..."

In the background, Principal Delaney stands impassive next to Mrs Goodwin, the school secretary. " Mrs Goodwin, contact Mr Byrne again please. My message obviously didn't get through to Miss Thunder."

The Crash Pad

Of course the game went ahead and Anaheim won. Not that it made much difference to the way things panned out. Kiku sits alone in the middle of the crash pad and slowly plucks the tassles out of her pom-pom. Jessica and the others had made it perfectly clear that even though she was 'like some sort of super dude' it really wasn't enough to make her cool and that maybe she ought to rethink being a cheerleader and that Tammy had organised a party too and her dad had a pool and ..

" Well, Kiku, you started off all alone and now you're left all alone, except for a pile of twiglets and a turncoat thunderbolt."

" Talking to yourself never helped anyone, Kiku. I wasn't going to help you impress your friends. That's not why I'm here. "

" I know, I know! For cryin' out loud give it a rest will you! Can't you see that I'm trying to get some major league self-loathing going on here?" Kiku stares at MZ daring him to speak but her glower is interrupted by a knock at the door. Kiku hauls herself up and shambles to the door. " Get lost, whatever it is we're not buying!" She opens the door, ready to give the knocker both barrels when she is greeted by a grinning wall of Batman costume!

" Dwayne said there was a party here, and we thought we would pop along and spread some Caped Crusader cheer!" Gary, the tall one of the fanboys from downstairs stands before her thrusting a bottle of diet, decaff Pepsi into her arms.

" And anyway, Billy Bob hoped that maybe he could like, speak to a woman. He likes to try once a week just to practice." Dennis (the bald one) ducked a swinging bat-glove from Billy Bob (the fat one)

" Yeah, yeah, whatever, you guys come on in and have a ball." Kiku looks even more gutted.

" What about our new friend? We found him hanging around downstairs?" Gary ushers Vince forwards.

" Hi Kiku. Guess it didn't work out with the cheerleaders?"

" You don't say!"

" I brought you these. As a thank you for saving the game." Vince hands her a bunch of roses and smiles nervously. Kiku looks at him and slowly smiles back.

" Thanks guys. Yeah, you can all come in and have a ball. MZ and I are about to start a cheeseball flicking contest."

" Hang on. Before we come in, we had better bring the rest of our friends?" Vince grins and the chesire-cat-esque face of Courtney pops around the stairwell.

" Gotcha! We may have lost the game but we know how to party, and believe me Kiku, these guys know how to treat their resident superheroine, right guys?" Behind Courtney, the entire Blue Valley team give a cheer and begin moving into the apartment.

Kiku stands with her mouth open wide. The last person into the flat is Courtney. Kiku smiles at her and shuffles uncomfortably. " What can I say?"

" What? Nothing! I checked out with the guys back at Gotham. Turns out you were a member of the JSA before I was, even if you just sort of hung out with them. That makes you a team-mate and I wasn't going to let you down! Now lets party!" They both laugh and turn to enter the flat.

" Before you go in, pop quiz? Flame Girl - lamest name in the world or what??"

Outside the party, a huddled figure shuffles down an alley, trying to maintain some modesty in his naked state whilst nursing his broken nose. " I'm not finished with you kids! Not at all!" Edward E. Enfield's new forked tongue flickers around him as he stumbles down the alley into the darkness.

Next issue - Jessie and Jade return to the aftermath of the party and straight into the glamour of Jennie's premier. Trouble is, they get themselves caught up in a rather messy problem on the way and that leads them to the offices of Rick Tyler,PI!

Greener Pastures

Take care folks - all comments, good, bad or platypus-related to neil.gow@ncl.ac.uk